Strengthening Parent - Child Bond
“Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you” - H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Our relationship with our children is the foundation of their relationship with others, the values they imbibe, and their perception of the world at large. Without having shared a close bond of trust, security and love with their primary caregiver, children are more likely to be less resilient to the challenges of life growing up.
Although parenting is perhaps the most demanding job in the world, consciously communicating with your children can help you stay connected with them throughout their lives. The stronger your rapport with your child, the more inclined they will feel to share their struggles with you, trust you with your opinion, and listen to you. Therefore, it is imperative that as parents we serve as role models to our children who they can look up to for feeling safe, nurtured and loved.
A few ways to positively reinforce your bond with your child are as follows:
Reiterate Your Love for Them
As parents we often forget how critical it is to emphasize our love for our child through consciously spoken words or gestures. One may think that caring for your child’s needs on the daily is proof enough for your love for them. However, it is important to understand that children constantly look for cues to feel secure and accepted. Since you can’t always guess what your child is experiencing or thinking, it helps to let them know that you are always here for them and love them unconditionally.
Tell them frequently that you love them and teach them the importance of expressing your emotions often and enough. Touch is another key factor in strengthening emotional bonding in a relationship. We must engage in physical gestures of affection every now and then as a way to reassure our child about his or her importance in our lives. Greet them warmly, smile often and make eye contact whenever possible every day.
Carve Out Time for Family Rituals
In order to foster a feeling of strong connection and friendship within the family, rituals play a huge role in grounding the child. Whether it is having cooking sessions with your children where you can ask them to help, have game nights with them or even something fun like weekend dance or karaoke parties- there are plenty of options to explore! Activities like these build a sense of camaraderie, promote creativity and social skills.
It is also always a great idea to keep one-on-one separate activities with your child like going for walks together or taking them out for a meal. These activities can serve as a time for your child to open up to you about their secrets, voice their troubles and be expressive about anything that they wish to communicate about. Having rituals like these create a ‘comfort zone’ for your child to know that they always have someone to confide in and to boost them up whenever they need it most.
Lend Them a Keen Ear
In carrying out daily chores like unloading groceries, or making everyday decisions and choices, be sure to actively involve your child in them. Simple questions like what is their preference of food, color of choice when deciding an outfit, their opinion on a given subject, etcetera is enough to make them feel heard and important. Including them in daily tasks and asking them for their help is also effective in making them feel wanted, responsible and in boosting their self-esteem.
It is also important to always be an active and empathetic listener when your child decides to be open and vulnerable with you about something. Pay keen attention and avoid any distractions such as using technology whilst talking. In doing so, you let your children know that they are a priority to you and also foster mutual respect. No matter how stressful your day has been or how busy you are, taking out some time daily to sit down and chat with them should be routine. Children can sense stressful circumstances and mood, and end up feeling neglected if not given undivided attention.
Cultivate Positive Discipline
Discipline means teaching your child the difference between what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Therefore, punishment and talking aggressively with them hardly serves the purpose. It is imperative to note that this does not equal to being overly permissive. Setting rules and boundaries can be done so in a firm, yet respectful manner. Making them feel insulted, not treating them as independent, comparing them or subjecting them to guilt are ways that are sure to backfire in the long run. Not only are they ineffective and damage the bond that you share, they can also harm your child’s psyche and influence the narrative they develop about their self-worth.
One way to implement this is by allowing open communication with your child. Giving your child the liberty to offer their perspective and feedback on something and acknowledging it compels them to do the same when you disapprove of something. Always make sure you praise their positive behavior thoroughly and also set specific, but realistic expectations. Tell them exactly what you want from them and explain the reason. In order to nip bad behavior in the bud it helps to also take calm consequential action. For example- instead of screaming at your child for watching too much television, simply have it switched off without engaging in any rough dialogue with them. Seeing how you handle their negative behavior will also help them develop enough regard for you to not want to disappoint you.