Being the Person We Want Our Child to Become
Many of us grew up hearing, ‘Do what I say, not what I do.’ As parents, we understand the real-life complexities that can create gaps between our own words and our actions.
We mean well. We want to say the right things. We want to do the right things for our children.
But life gets in the way.
Stress, exhaustion, work, bills, relationship concerns, health issues, and our own unresolved inner conflicts can pull us away from the kind of parent we want to be. In those moments, what we believe and how we respond do not always match, and this is where it can become confusing for children.
They are learning how to be in the world by watching us, especially in ordinary, everyday moments. As their primary caregivers, we shape what “showing up for life” looks like.
Even in the midst of life’s challenges, we can choose to show up as both a parent and a person, learning and growing alongside them, not through perfection, but through presence.
How do we truly show up as a parent to our children?
- By listening well.
- By apologizing and making things right when we get it wrong.
- By making space for their feelings to be expressed, even when those feelings are inconvenient, loud, or hard to understand.
- By giving them room to make mistakes and learn in their own way, offering guidance when needed instead of fixing everything for them.
- By letting go of judgment and comparison between children, and within ourselves.
- By treating them with gentleness and respect, especially when things are hard.
- By making room for play, laughter, and connection alongside the responsibilities of daily life.
How do we truly show up as a person?
Children do not need a parent who is endlessly available. They need a parent who feels safe, trustworthy, and reliable.
- By caring for our own wellbeing without guilt, so we are not constantly pouring from an empty cup
- By managing our emotions as best we can, so our children do not have to carry the weight of our unresolved emotions.
- By being honest about our intentions and our limits.
- By setting loving boundaries and letting “no” be kind and clear.
- By asking for help and sharing the load when we can.
- By treating ourselves with the same kindness we want our children to show themselves.
Balance is not about getting it right every day. It is about returning, again and again, to the values we want to live by, and showing them to our children through how we show up.